Face those feelings...

Hello Family,

It’s time we face those feelings…

The person who hurt you, offended you, wrestled those feathers of yours or simply failed to meet your expectations is rarely ever carrying the same level of resentment and distrust you are carrying towards them.

THIS IS NOT EVERYONE’S STORY. Forgiveness and "Letting things go" is easy for some people, but I, Miss Ponder, am not one of those people.

This week I’ve been forced to face feeling about unresolved childhood trauma, pent up resentment from former friendships and discontentment with decisions I’ve made concerning various relationships in my life. I’ve worked through facing my feelings all week and here’s what I’ve learned…

If we’re being honest with ourselves, whether we can face our feelings about a person or situation is determined by who the person is and what the situation was. Every situation in our life requires a unique response.

Facing your feelings is no easy feet, however it is necessary in order to GROW through things. The worst thing I can do is choose to ignore my emotional responses, my trauma related triggers and how unsettled I feel in my spirit about a situation. I believe our feelings can be a compass that is capable of leading us into both the darkest and brightest parts of our mind and heart.

In Genesis 37, the rags-to-riches story of a character named Joseph is told. Joseph was his father Jacob’s FAVORITE son and his brothers hated him for it. Joseph’s sibling hated him because of the favor he had with their father and because he was having dreams about succeeding in ways they wouldn’t (Genesis 37:3-11). The father favored Joseph so much that he sent him out to look after his older brothers where he could report his sibling’s progress back to their father. (That was a mouth full... bear with me)

Genesis 37:18-24 NLT reads, "18 When Joseph’s brothers saw him coming, they recognized him in the distance. As he approached, they made plans to kill him. 19 “Here comes the dreamer!” they said. 20 “Come on, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns. We can tell our father, ‘A wild animal has eaten him.’ Then we’ll see what becomes of his dreams!” 21 But when Reuben heard of their scheme, he came to Joseph’s rescue. “Let’s not kill him,” he said. 22 “Why should we shed any blood? Let’s just throw him into this empty cistern here in the wilderness. Then he’ll die without our laying a hand on him.” Reuben was secretly planning to rescue Joseph and return him to his father. 23 So when Joseph arrived, his brothers ripped off the beautiful robe he was wearing. 24 Then they grabbed him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it.”

SPOILER ALERT: Yes, Jacob’s other sons sold their brother Joseph into slavery.

To the point of facing your feelings, in order to face them you must be able to acknowledge that they exist which takes emotional intelligence.

Psychology Today says, “Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” (2023, Psychology Today)

I’m no psychologist, but I believe Joseph’s brothers had misdirected their hate. His brothers hated him, but their hate was rooted in their father not valuing each of them equally. Joseph’s brothers noticed that their father’s love and admiration wasn’t evenly distributed amongst all his children and that scarred them. His brothers’ jealousy was warranted, but it was all rooted in what they weren’t getting from their father. The root of their hurt was with their father, and Joseph being the one deeply loved by him became the target for hate.

Have you ever misdirected your hate or anger towards someone when you’re simply frustrated at the circumstances you’re in? when you’re really frustrated with systems of oppression and regression that enable you to be overworked and mistreated? when family dynamics put your emotional needs onto the back burner?

Joseph’s brothers ended up selling him into slavery because they believed that removing him from the equation would enable their father to show them more love and affection. The truth is when we’re hard pressed on finding quick fixes to our pain, we are liable to put ourselves in a position where we’re worse off.

Face your feelings. Give your emotions the space to BREATHE. You can avoid the very feelings that live inside of you, and if you do that doesn’t mean they’ll disappear.

You have to trust that God gave you emotions for a reason. God hard wired us to feel deeply for a reason.