Just a Journal Entry

Hello Family,

I'm a writer. So, when I am seeking clarity about my feelings, navigating life, or processing through things I find the nearest journal, pick up a pen, and write til my heart is content. I've spent more time in my journal reflecting this week than I have over the past month. Here's an excerpt from my journal entry on January 9th. I pray this helps you to know that you're not alone in feeling overwhelmed, confused, or not where you want to be.❤️

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Wind beat up against the window all night, well into the morning. I couldn’t fall asleep for the life of me. All I could do was stare at my windowpane and pray that the wind didn’t blow so hard that the glass would burst through, shattering within the walls of my bedroom. I sat up in my bed, faced my headboard, sat on my heels, kneeling with my hands held together and prayed– “Lord please help me fall asleep.”

I had a prayer call scheduled for 6 a.m., class that started about four hours afterwards, and work later that day. I NEEDED SLEEP

I’ve had it all wrong for months, if not years. I, for all intents and purposes, NEED Jesus. I pray for sleep, peace, rest, protection, forgiveness, relationships, for suffering to pass, career goals to be accomplished and so much more – but only when I get desperate do I pray and ask for Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit (The HOLY Trinity) to come and dwell among me. I’ve got so caught up with the woes of life that I’ve neglected the one person who’s shown me unwavering love and commitment... Jesus. When I lose sight of Jesus, similar to Peter (Matthew 14:22-33), I find myself sinking. The issues of life, problems, and relationships crash over me like a wave; And it isn’t until I realize how close the Lord is, how nigh He is, that I stop worrying and wrestling with the waves, and start setting my sights on the one and only.

I hope, pray, and believe, that once we hold this truth close to our hearts with an unwavering grip that the problems will become small. The worries of life will become minute. All we’ve suffered for will shrink in the presence of our unchanging God. May the storm remind us that the Lord is closer than our breath and with Him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26) – including surrender admits suffering and struggle.

Reflection prayer:

LORD, life is LIFE-ING! I am struggling to see where you are, where you’re taking me, and what your will is for my life. I don’t always have the answers, but I believe you do. Help me to hear your voice. Silence the noise of stress, worry, and other things that captivate my attention. My problems seem so big. My concerns feel impossible to handle. I need you. May my heart be open to see you in all things. May my heart also be open to accept the help and love you freely give me. May your will be done in and through me. In Jesus name, Amen.